Twanna @ FUNKY BROWN CHICK - Latest Comments in New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

mieoux — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:49:48 -0000

There are many more single women than single men in New York City. Hundreds of thousands more single women than single men. I am moving to Silicon Valley next year.

Take a look at these:

http://strangemaps.wordpres...

http://creativeclass.com/rf...

http://geography.about.com/...

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Twanna A Hines funkybrownchick — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 06:09:21 -0000

Or stop trying and let things happen on their own? :)

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Carolina Pereira — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:11:57 -0000

i have the same problem and i don´t get to live in NYC :P

i guess we just have to try harder :/

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Twanna A Hines funkybrownchick — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:08:37 -0000

You said, "I know several single men–black, brown, white, tan–who are smart, educated, attractive, and financially stable who want to be in long-term relationships." WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! I actually KNOW you, so why haven't you hooked me up!??!?!?!?! :)

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Rochelle — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 23:12:05 -0000

Hmm...I know several single men--black, brown, white, tan--who are smart, educated, attractive, and financially stable who want to be in long-term relationships.
Of course, I also know single women in the same boat...

So the challenge, I think, isn't that ratio we hear so often in the media--the number of single women versus the number of single men-- but in finding that one person you really click with and want to share part of your life with.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Twanna A Hines funkybrownchick — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:43:17 -0000

# SINgleGIRL: Hey lady! :) I love men; I wasn't stating an opinion about "there aren't enough men in NYC", I was talking about the city's actual demographics: http://funkybrownchick.com/...

@ Urban Diva: Couldn't agree with you more, it's EASY to date here. Just a bit harder to find the righth guy for "me" (i.e. I'm done with the short-term, shallow rels.)

@ ieishah: I've never lived in Italy, when I lived in the UK and Holland, I traveled throughout the Italy and I speak a tiny bit of the language. I used to have a weird fetish thing for Italian men.

@ Chuck: Okay, this get's back to my "Who's Single Life Sucks More?" post: http://funkybrownchick.com/... :) And, I'm with you on keeping hope alive!! :)

@ Jason: Yeah, I think we're on the same page! :)

@ Lee Lee: I don't think it's about age, I think it's more about how bitter we do or don't let ourselves become. I was waaaaay more optimistic in my teens. Good news? I'm less naive. Bad news? Sometimes maybe I'm TOO untrusting.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Lee Lee — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:09:27 -0000

I feel the same way as you, but I don't live in NY. Although I do live very close to NY. My issue is this. I remember guys throwing themselves at me and stalking me like a celebrity from the ages of 14-19 when I hit 20 it all stopped. I'm now 24 and don't get me wrong I still get male attention here and there, but not nearly as much as before. They used to literally gawk, point and stare. Now, they just pass me by. I want to get back how it use to be and wonder why guys no longer fall at my feet. Was it I was less experienced and just having fun and now I'm older? I have been single for a long time and wanna know what the hell happend to all the men in my life and why more aren't knockin down my door like before? anyone know the reason?

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Jason — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 02:51:58 -0000

I understand the feeling. I have been single for a long time(5 years) and most of the relationships I have had with women has mainly been about sex. I mean the sex is good but I can give myself my own nut and sometimes it's even better but what I would miss is the passion and the connection and high that I would get when I would get from being with a woman. I started to realize that I wanted to maybe be in a relationship or just have a connection with a woman. Sometimes I just want a woman to lay in my bed or just come over so I could be touched or to touch them. I am very receptive to touch and vibes and stuff like that so I try to gain that from women. The problem sometimes is that when I do that with women they think I am trying to further some kind of relationship with them which is not always the case. I am just super-affectionate.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Chuck — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 19:38:05 -0000

P.S. I think SINgleGIRL is on the money.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Chuck — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 19:35:04 -0000

Twanna
Don't know why you think the problem is exclusive to women. You should walk a few city blocks in my shoes (SWM). I have plenty of friends and lot of social interaction. Decent looking average guy that is doing pretty well. However, what I see is that I am not doing well enough for the Wall St set. I am not hip enough for the East Village (this goes for Williamsburg and Park Slope Brooklyn too). To straight for the West Village. I am too white for for Chinatown (even thought I did have a 2 year relationship with a Chinese Woman). Not West Indian or latin enough for countless other neighborhoods. I could cover every neighborhood in or adjacent to Manhattan. I know this seems like I am stereotyping, but it is all true. It seems like many of the women I see will not step out of there cultural boundaries or are falling for the same tired lies told to them my the gazillion players out there. Thinking this time they will turn out to be true. Only to be disappointed again. Mean while they consider the "real thing" to be too vanilla and not exciting enough. Most likely filling them in the "Friends" folder. Believe me when I tell you that it is much more difficult for honest and sincere men than you could ever understand. I guess what I am really saying is "I feel you". Keep up the hope, as I will be doing the same.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

ieishah — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 09:23:22 -0000

twanna, you've lived in italy? i've visited many times, and i have a very, um, interesting history with italian men (as i've been writing a lot about on my own blog lately), which is why i cannot imagine living there. there's something about them, haven't quite unpacked it yet, but they embody a certain kind of irresistible crazy . . . crazy nonetheless . . . if you've actually lived amongst them and made it out alive, congratulations, girl!!!

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Urban Diva — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:13:54 -0000

First time poster here, I love your blog. I find this particular post interesting. I am a NYC gal born & raised I have also lived in Greece, Amsterdam, London & now Philly. I am now married but when I was single I too liked dating international men. I am also your beautiful shade of brown :-) Its true that NYC has a lot of beautiful women but I have to say when I was single I never had any problem meeting men of my choosing in NYC. Some time it was just the opposite in fact. Some of them would turn out to be crazy sure but some of them would be quality guys. The thing that worked best for me is my attitude and making sure that I stood out in a crowd. I always played to my positives. Another thing was I was never "looking" for a guy. Sometimes when you are looking you can come off as desperate without even realizing it. Desperation is in unattractive quality. Although I am saying you shouldn't go looking you don't need to leave everything up to chance either. Think about some of the things that are most important to you in a possible mate whether its country of origin, occupaton, income, hobbies, whatever & put yourself in those situations. I've had guy friends who wanted to meet women who knew how to cook so they took cooking classes. Do the opposite for male centric activities that you think the type of guys you'd be interested in may frequent. Another suggestion is to wher the uniform of the type of guy that you want to attract. For example If you are interested in guys who would wear high end designer items maybe invest in a couple of peices for yourself. I am around your age and many of my (most) of my friends are single in their late 20's to late 30's & are single. My single girlfriends often ask me for advice because I've got a pretty good hubby who spoils me& also I get hit on a fair amount even though I'm married & what I tell them the most important thing to have going for them is confidence & a good personality. I see many of them have so much going for them but when it comes to relationships the older they get & are still single the more sense of urgency they seem to get about finding a guy & they seem to put out a desperate vibe. I believe guys can sense that & being forever single becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I think in a city like NYC to attract people who are extraordinary you've got to be extraordinary. The only way to be it is to believe it! You cant have the attitude that he's the catch its gotta be that you are the catch! With so many choices out there you have to show him what makes you special! You have so much to offer any guy just make sure he knows it!

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Simone Grant — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:52:31 -0000

I don't think there's a man shortage in NYC. Not even a good man shortage. I fear the opposite, we're all spoiled for choice. With so many single people (literally dozens of thousands of possibilities) we've all become a little too picky and fickle and hard to please. And the men have become spoiled.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Twanna A Hines funkybrownchick — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:19:11 -0000

@ ieishah: Oooh, I *LOVED* Italy!!!

@ Eb: Yeah, you're DEFINITELY not on your own. Tons of women (and men!) feel the same way.

@ Nathalie: Good luck!

@ Jeffrey Wilson: You single??? Maybe we can make a long distance love connection on here, and hook you and EB up. :)

@ tiffany: You said, "finding non-black men who date black women is hard." Oh, I've found several of those guys. They're great. ;)

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

tiffany — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 05:19:03 -0000

Heh. I feel the same way about Atlanta. Too many broads competing for too small a pool of Qualified Men.

Actually, I lie. I've been in relationships of some kind for 5 of the 8 years I've been here. But those dry spells in-between? UGH.

There are quite a few Good on Paper types here. But you'll also find a lot of black men who believe the ratio hype (it's not 8:1) and are totally stuck on themselves and inflate their worth as a result. And -- in my experience at least -- finding non-black men who date black women is hard.

But I think what you're describing is pretty common in major cities. And those cities aren't half as cool as New York :-).

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Jeffrey Wilson — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 22:42:22 -0000

@Eb---I hear you sentiment all the time, and I used to take offense to it; now I realize just how much truth it is.

It wasn't until I read some essays by Michael Eric Dyson did I realize the gap in education/career between brothers and sisters--and some of the inherent stress that it may cause.

But I know a couple of good cats that are doing pretty damn fine and support monogamy. Granted, it aint many, but they're out there ;)

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Nathalie — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:52:41 -0000

It is definitely confusing here. I about 2-3 years younger than you, but same story. I have definitely had better dating lives outside of here. I was here from after college till I was 26 and it was nothing special but then I ended up in a long relationship with someone I worked with. I ended that shortly before I moved but I met men really easily then too (just a few months). Then I was in grad school on the west coast, then in Europe and now I'm back in NY. I had a long relationship in grad school and in Europe also had a short one and had people interested.

I'm back in NY and while I meet men, nothing sticks. It's sad. I think men have a lot of options here so many are non-commital. Also many are focused on their career etc. It's tricky and I'm not sure what the solution. It's product and market. Make sure you have a good product and market it - though i think even without a good product, good marketing does wonders;) This guarantees you will meet someone but not necessarily they stick though volume should do the trick;) I hear you loud and clear. Moving also with the intentions of finding someone is unlikely to do the trick too. Though it seems like the gals I know who live in smaller cities after grad school have gotten engaged quickly.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Eb — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:48:21 -0000

Girl you aint never lied and I am glad that I am not the only one out here wondering what the heck is going on in this city that I love so much.

Men in their late 20's still living at home with moms, they have to much baby mama drama, so stuck on themselves because they know they got it going on, or just plain stupid.

Where are the single black men that have the same credentials we have. Single, no kids, educated, fun, and not afraid of commitment.

When you find where they hang out... please spread the word!

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

ieishah — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:29:49 -0000

@twanna
okay??!! i've been in europe on and off for the last decade . . . but for the craziness, spain takes the cake! wait--i haven't lived in italy yet, so i take that back!

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Twanna A Hines funkybrownchick — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 07:38:39 -0000

@ Mando G: Funny you mention you tend to date women who were not raised in TX. I don't date a lot of native New Yorkers, but I often wonder if that's just because (1) there are so many non-NYers here and (2) I prefer men from other countries.

@ Pete: I mean the "type" of dating life I prefer right now, a committed relationship.

@ antonio: And, this post love you. ;) I soooo need to make a trip abroad to see you someday. I can't believe we lived in Amsterdam 8 years ago. DAMN, time flies.

@ dkzone: You're funny. :) And, yeah, I know what you mean. New York is a dangerous city. Hell, I'm from Chicago and our crime rate was certainly MUCH higher than New York's. When tourists approach me with that "Do you know where ___ is?" stuff, I TOTALLY clinch my fists, stiffen and get that maniacal "Don't you fucking try to fuck with me. Seriously, don't fucking test me!" look. So, yeah, I don't need (or want) the whole city and/or random strangers to be all lovey-dovey & warm and fuzzy with me. Just a dude, one dude, "my" dude. We haven't found each other yet.

@ Peggy b.: Yeah, the demographics will shift and they'll be more men again eventually. There was a time when men outnumbered women here; it'll happen again.

@ Baba Doodlius: Good point. I tend to expect everything to be perfect in a city. "Ah, this place would be perfect if it wasn't for ___." I'm learning that place, much like people, have flaws.

@ Alicia: SO TRUE.

@ Souky: Sweets, you've got it all wrong. I'm not over 35, I'm over 45!! ;) Joking, of course. I'm younger than both those ages, but I'll make no comment about your mysogynistic / ageist remarks. Suffice it to say, I think you *TOTALLY* missed the point of the post. Your example of touch ("lets say through the random act of f*cking random men") demonstrates exactly that.

@ Syd: I think a lot of people make that mistake. There's a difference between being horny, craving generic touch and desiring a relationship. Sometimes those things match up, sometimes they don't.

@ Dallas Black: THANKS for getting down with the funky brown!!! I love it when new readers leave comments. :) Added your blog to my feed reader. LOVED your post about the $5 gift card. :)

@ don: Ooooh, you said, "you are gorgeous and intelligent and funny." Flattery will get you everywhere. :) And, YES, how did you know I have a thing for Thoracic Surgeons!?!?!? ;)

@ irene: I'll check in out. Thanks!

@ Britni: I used to hate New York, and I routinely told friends, "I could never live in that crazy city!!!" Times change. I'll blog about my NYC hate --> love tragectory some day. Oh, and by the way, LOVE the phrase "shitastic douchebags."

@ lamesabassman: Not sure.

@ earnest nyc: Several folks have said that.

@ ieishah: Ah, Americans dating in Europe. THERE'S something I could writing about for AGES!!!! I lived over there for a period of 4 years. Crazy tales.

@ Zen: Yeah, I remember that article. I wrote about it. Here's the post and the image of the cover: http://funkybrownchick.com/....

@ blkirish: I was gonna say, "I have a friend Mags who lives in the city and would totally disagree with you." But, then I noticed she already commented below. :) THANKS for the encouragment. And, you've got a good point about the good outweighing the bad. For now, it's no contest: New York wins. It's truly a great city.

@ Cat: I'm originally from the Midwest. Three cheers for corn-fed girls!!! :) And, yeah, I agree that almost all of those things (weather, brown skin, your iPod) could affect dating -- especially your iPod. More on that later.

@ Brenz: Exactly; it's EASY to meet people here. Thanks for the "smart, foxy dame" stuff. I appreciate it.

@ Mags: Woot!!! Hold up, hold up. What's going on?!!? Since when have you started reading and commenting on my blog again?!?! ;) Hey, I tried to call you last night but you were already asleep. Let's partyline on Saturday!!! (Going to the Esquire party then a dinner date tonight and I've got Fashion Week stuff on Friday.)

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Mags — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 23:44:40 -0000

Hang in there FBC!--And no offense blkirish, but I live in the DC area, and I can't say I necessarily agree with your assessment of DC. men. It's probably not quite as tough as NYC, but you have a lot of self-absorbed, ambitious people here-both men and women, who are more concerned with their careers than being in a relationship.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

BMcGeeWhiz — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:24:53 -0000

Well thank yog you deflected the customary "It's so hard to meet people in New York." (it's not folks. It's really, really not. It's hard to meet people in rural Montana).

I've had some really terrific dates here, both fun and free, and the sweeping stuff of romance.

You're a smart, foxy dame. I see no reason why you shouldn't be getting dates. So what if the women outnumber the men? Cream rises to the top.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Cat — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:39:59 -0000

I've lived in Minneapolis my whole life, and I'm too ashamed to post my dating stats. Hell, just making new friends here has been a challenge. I don't know how much of this has to do with the city or not.

During past gripes about my issues with finding/meeting/dating men, I've heard explainations ranging from consequences of the womens' movement, to intimidation due to race (I am of brown skin, and most of the men 'round here are not), to inclimant weather, to my ipod.

Maybe there's a grain of truth to all of that, but I think the issue of perpetual singleness is greater than any of the above. I think first world society is evolving far beyond what human biology was meant to stand up to.

I may be straying a bit too far from the spirit of this post, so I'll stop there. Let's just call this food for thought.

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

blkirish — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:14:06 -0000

That's because all the good men live in the DC Metropolitan area... LOL. Seriously, I don't thinks that what you have is as dire as it seems.

A) you love where you live for more reasons than you do not!
B) -- see A. --

It's the whole pros & cons thing going on here. If ever the times come when the food, museums and international complexity aren't enough- run like hell.

Keep the faith FBC!

~blk

Re: New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life

Zen — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:10:25 -0000

I completely agree and hope you don't mind me sharing one of my related posts (Time Out sort of covered this last year):

http://zen-denizen.blogspot...